A war advance for fun and awesomeness
by GamerBoyX69
Summary: Conkers going against some deadly bad ass forces but hes not the only one going after dem oh nah thos is really fucking funny hahaha oh you want to read this how about you click or tap just to laugh your ass off
1. Chapter 1

So conker was at home with his wife berri and son jr and daughter cherri now jr was a good kid he was 12

and he was alot like his dad he knew how to shoot a firearm at 3 years old jr look like his dad but he wore a hat and he always had a chainsaw on him at all times (just i case he gets in trouble with some of weasos sons henchmen) now cherri is like her mom but shes a little different lets say she is a mix between meg griffen and tooty she is young and cute like tooty but her father treats her like meg griffen meh so all of them were chilling and the the sky got dark

Conker: dafaq

Berri: is it thundering or something

Jr: dafuq (him and his dad conker said it at the same time)

Cherri: ahh now its raining and we have to go inside and...

Warlord: muhahahaha you fools are going to disappear forever hahaha

Conker: yeah and what if you just leave us alone and you get baked with your friends or something

Warlord: know what just because you think im a stoner means i gonna warp u into different world you fucks

next thing you know a big hyper rainbow portal opens and cherri gets sucked in

Conker and berri: oh shit!

Then berri gets sucked into a purple portal (if you can guess were that will be then your badass)

Conker: no!

then a blue portal know what im just going to give it away it goes to the world of sonic

Conker: oh man wait i need to be equipped

bpad tings

conker: oh shit im getting sucked in oh fuuuuuuuuuuuk

At the mushroom kingdom

Mario: ha i win

Luigi: shit mario you-a- always win

Mario: thats because im boss a fuck

sonic: yeah right bro

the portal conker was i opened up

conker:oof

Peach: mario what is it is it one of bowsers plans

mario: no honey its... Conker!

conker: mario hey guys i was just sucked into a portal

mario: umm wheres berri and your children

conker: oh no ph no oh no oh no! (In fast speech: oh shit i losed them in the portal oh god i hope there not dead please god dont let them be dead) oh nooooohohoho!

Sonic: (grabs conker and puts on chair) calm down bro tell us how you got here

conker: okay they were in this portal first cherri went to this rainbow one then berri went into this purple one and the juinor went into this blue one and...

Sonic: wait those portals sound like our portals that we go through to get to different worlds and blue sounds like me and tails world

tails: yeah and that means we should get them

2 seconds later

Sonic: hey tails you got one of those portals open yet

tails: yeah i only got the purple one open hey conker you ready to get berri out

Conker comes out with lots of weapons looking badass

Conker: im ready!

They go in the portal and they are in the airship or some shit i dont remember all of saints row 4

conker: oh no am i late

berri: hey conker

Conker: berri

me: hey conker

Conker: trevon?

me: yeah nigga!

So we had some drinks and headed to get the kids

found out what happens in the next chapter


	2. Chapter 2 m80s

So they were all back at the fucking mushroom kingdom i dont know i havent done this shit in a while conker: well we got berri back

sanic: yeah no shit huba duba

conker: just shut up sonic

sonic knew conker could kick the shit out of him it happend before

(flashback)

sonic: so berri how about you come to my house for some fun

Conker: what the fuck

sonic: i can explain bro its not what it looks like man

Conker: falcon

sonic: oh shit

conker:punch!

sonic: ahhhhhhhhh

(flashback ends)

berri: well we need to find jr. And cherri before something bad happens

mario: i agree

so they went to sonics world

sonic: i will go look for jr.

conker: im coming with you

sonic: well you better keep up because its about to fast in this bitch

conker: i have a hover board

sonic: ok... SANIC SPEED!

so our to heros were gonna find jr. And it was a really cool montage with sonic and conker racing each other with the theme of sonic x playing in the backround

so they found jr

jr: hi dad

Conker: hey

then they went to the almighty hyrule

link: hey guys

everyone: hey

zelda: what are you doing here everyone

peach: (rachet girl voice) girl wot be yo problem

zelda: bitch aint nothin my problem

peach: bitch that aint what yo man say last night

zelda: (normal voice) wot m8!

link: she doesn't know what shes talking about

zelda and peach: (laughing hard) we know we were just joking

peach saw someone who looked like young link

peach: who this cutie

link jr: mmmmm i already have a girlfriend she is 21

peach: nice joke

zelda: he is not joking

peach: what

Liza: hi guuuuuuuuuuys

all the guys (except link) mouths drop

sonic: huba dubaduba

link jr and liza started to make out liza was 21 and she and link jr are boyfriend and girlfriend this not lisa simpson this is a different liza she was tan she has huge boobs yeah those bad boys are like basketball size also if you where wonder in what i look like in this fanfiction im like toonlink but black and white with a white hoodie and black skinny jeans also white and baby blue shoes and baby blue hat with a nes controller on it

liza: oh i found this poor little chipmunk on our porch

conker grabs cherri and uses the animation when link gets a item

cherri: ahh you son of a bitch

cherri then punched conker in the face but i was not effective

now link and zelda and liza and link jr have joined the party


	3. Chapter 3 what are u doing in ma swamp

so the kids were back but they were still in hyrule im just writing this of the top of my head i just finished

chapter 2

ganondorf: mmm zulda yum

zelda: wha m8 holy shit its ganon dork

ganondorf: mmm okay

link: yeaaht

ganondorf: ow you piece of shit what the fuck did you do that for

link: well you were going to attack zelda

ganondorf: i wasnt you cheap cunt can a dorf fantasize a bit every once and awhile with out get fucking attacked by some gay teenager in tights

link: hey fuck u m8

link jr: ya fuck u ganonbitchfuck

link: good one son

ganondorf: fuck u man i should get a restaining order against you

link: then you wouldnt be able to kidnap zelda

ganondorf: no if i got near you the cops would kick your ass and send you to getted raped

link: oh no

ganon: oh yeah in fact i should call the cops right now

impa: na m8

link: thanks impa

impa: no prob

me: hey lets have ganon and impa on our side

link: im okay with impa but for ganon ohh hell noooooo

link jr: yeah and ma mum would get butt raped against her will and she would get depressed and stab her self

me: dont worry cause i beat ganondicks ass

ganondorf: ma name is fucking ganondork imp mean ganoncork i mean ganondorf

me: ya what ever nigga

so we left and went to jak and daxters place

jak: dax

daxter: what

jak: i think someone is on our base it may be a krimzon guard

daxter: we dealed with those fucks years ago jak

jak: well lets see tess back us up

tess: im on it

daxter: tesses boobs havent shrunk and its been 11 years

jak: shut the fuck up thats your girlfriend you dont want her to leave u again do ya

daxter: ah ill be fine

(flash back)

daxter: (sob sob) i should just kill myself

jak: dax dont do it

tess: oh hey daxter

Daxter: tess im sorry comeback with me please

tess: okay but stop crying

daxter: i was not crying that was jak over there his girlfriend hates him now

(flashback ends)

daxter sees berri

daxter: gasp boooobs

conker: hey is that a orange weasel over there

daxter: hey what ya just call me ya fox

conker: oh so im a fox what were your parents doing when they were making you a three-way with two otters fucking each other with a hot weasel babe looking at em ya faggot

daxter: oh shut the fuck up ya fox fag yo girlfriend is probably a guy

conker: what did you just say

daxter: (in slo-mo) a guuuuuuuuy

conker and daxter are bout to get into one epic fight

(2 hours later)

daxter: well i guess we are friends now right buddy ol pal

conker: ya said it

jak: so there is this douche bothering ya

link: ya so ya gonna help us our what

jak: sure

jak daxter impa tess and ganondorf joined your side also shrek did


	4. Chapter 4 MLG PLANET AND THE FIRST BOSS

Shrek: oh donkey that was a funny joke

mario: for the last time my names not donkey its-a-me mario havent you played super mario bros or anything mario before

shrek: well then WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!

Me and my girlfriend midna (in her form at the end of twilight princess) were flying the ship while listening

to: 886 Beatz-little Einstein's remix

conker and daxter were drunk and they were singing along

conker and daxter: were going an a trip to suck a guys dick

me: guys thats not how the song go's

conker: well we can sing it how we want

daxter: yeah

shrek: oh donkeys were arriving on a city called MLG PLANET

me: awesome

we arrived on the planet

when we were out of the ship we were greeted by the king of blazing himself

snoop: smoke weed every day

peach: ah hi?

snoop: hey

me: well lets make some...

Xx_quickscoper_xX: thats right get noscoped

(sniper shot)

i respawned

me: wut da fuk

Xx_quickscoper_xX:XD

(Sniper shot)

i respawned again

me: oh shit run

we jump in a mario pipe

and we saw rick james

rick: hey i see ur getting rekt i will help you

me: okay

rick: but first i need something from you

money comes out of my pocket about one billion dollars to be exact

rick: no refunds

me: why

rick: because im rick james bitch!

flashbang

me: hey guys there seems to be a mtn dew pipe lets go wreck some scrubs!

we go in the pipe

the quickslayer 420: what the fuck

camera zooms in slo-mo on the pipe

we come out in some nice mtn dew merch

me: time to die!

i pull out 2 smg's

guns were fired killing thousands of enemies

me: hey elsa hand me that flashbang shaped like a small snowflake

elsa: ok let it goooo

me: shut the fuck up before i quickscope you ya n00b

elsa: okay

i threw it down on the ground and became a ice wizard

me: ice shot

an ice shot came out my hand oh and just as a notification im a guy not a girl if that wasnt obvious enough

xx_gayminion2420_xx:oh shit ahh

he froze

i eat some flame doritos

i turn into a fire wizard in some awesome dorito merch

me: fire hadoukan

xxx_idiotpotato_xxx: ahh no it burns

snoop hands me a blunt

me: (low pitch) smoke weed every day

im stoned but still am sober enough to no my mission also i turned a weed witch i green clothing

i bomb them in smoke and they died then i drank some white mtn dew and turned back to normal

we go into the first temple were it seems our first warlord that we havent been talking since the fucking first chapter oh ma gosh

luigi: hmm what are we doing here

mario: well it seems the first warlord is here

zelda: wait a warlord

link: theres been a warlord messing with us to

jak: theres also been one messing with us

me: well we will have to kill this one

Weakwarlord: ha ha you will never beat me

me: i dont know were thats coming from

the weak warlord: haha i am weakwimp and no one has defeated me before hahahaha

Conker: (whispers) yeah not since highschool and at his wedding when his wife kicked his ass

we all laugh

weakwimp: (grunts) never under estimate the power of weakwimp

me: this will be quick

i punched him in the face 3 times barly

weakwimp: ow how could this happen

link: because your name is weak wimp

weakwimp: ahhh im dying

after weakwimp died a hot fairy appeared out of nowhere

fairy: thank you for saving me here is an item as a token of my gratitude

i got a longshot and a gold arm part of armor

fairy: that is apart of the most powerful armor call the epic armor there are 4 more parts of the epic armor the epic hoodic,the power glove,golden jeans,and black diamond boots use those items and we will give you the armor of epicness wiphich gives you so much power you can defeat the warlord leader nossil put that armbrass it will deliver a epic blow when ever you punch one of your enemies and its also shields attacks

i put on the armbrass

me: thanks

we leave the temple and get on the ship

me: hold on guys this is going to be one epic adventure


	5. Chapter 5 hot pink island

Conker jr and link jr were talking about what school they go to or what adventures they had and other stuff

berri: conker

conker: what

berri: look

conker: then looked at them

conker: yeah so what their talking its nothing new

berri: no their talking like friends

conker: jr has friends

berri: well they have been talking for 3 hours

Conker: well your a creeper

berri: usally jr talks to his friend but not this long

conker: ah whatever

berri was thinking

berri:(asshole)

shrek: how are you donkeys doing!

conker and berri: ahhh

me: well guys here we are hot pink galaxy

midna: this place looks weird

jak: how

conker whisper to daxter

conker: she it looks like and idiots brain

midna: no conker it looks weird because every things pink

me: lets get started

not very long before we took a few steps birdy came out of nowhere

birdy: hey there its me mr scarecrow birdy i know were theres a secret and one of your friends is locked up in a cage there

conker: which friend

birdy: well he has two heads a brown head and a small red head

conker: oh your talking about banjo and kazooie can you tell me were they are

birdy: well i can but i need erm ten dolla and i hand you a magical map and a journal

me: heres ten dollars

birdy: here you go

me: hey luigi hold this map

birdy: here da journal

berri: um this is a porno magazine

birdy: oh sorry guys thats mine here the journal

me: thanks

birdy then left

me: luigi hand me the map

luigi: okay

me: there seems to be a secret here

i point to a rock

we go to the rock and i blow it up

sonic: banjo probably in there

me: im not a fucking idiot sonic

so we jump in the hole and there was a even hotter fairy then the last one

me: hey

pink fairy: hi my sister told me your would be here i have the last five parts armor

i got the rest of the armor and put it on

me: thank you

pink fairy: hey i also have a sword you will need it called the epic laser sword of awesomeness or in shorter terms the e.l.s.o.a

me: thanks were is the sword

pink fairy: behind me and your friends there to i found him and he told me about you

me: thanks pink fairy

pink fairy: just call me pink

me: okay

so i grabbed the e.l.s.o.a and put it in the sword holder on the back of the epic hoodic

and saved banjo

banjo: thanks guys we appreciate it

kazooie: it took you long enough

me: your welcome lets go to the palace over there so we left the hole and went to the palace

there was a teen floating girl who was texting on her phone

girl: like stop or else you will pay

Me: nope

the girl threw a ball of dark energy at us but we dodged it

berri: hey we dont wont to hurt you

girl: shut up

me: hadouken

girl: ouch

me: im sorry

girl: whatever i was just trying to protect my mom

then there was a voice of the next warlord

women: damn you Katie you have failed to protect me you know what your not even my daughter you were adopted

katie: nooo

me: damn that sucks were sorry we didnt mean it

katie: you know what that bitch can pay

me: so your free to go

katie: no im joining your guys side

me: okay lets go beat that warlord

so we went to the warlord

me: were not afraid of you

women: fine then my name is Olivia and its time to face your doom

olivia then threw a ball of fire at us i reflected it and it hit her

then i saw a hook for the longshot so i grappled it and fell on to a platform and then used the power glove and made a fist and launched it at her back then she fell down

and with the power glove i did a ground pound and hit her in the face

olivia: how could you you may have made it this far but my husband nossil

will kill you

then Olivia died

and then a fairy came out

fairy: thank you all nossil is in a castle in a blackhole and i will show were it is but is some thing i have to give to you

she gave my something to put into the e.l.s.o.a it was a sphere that was very powerful

so i put in the sword and the sword was now an epic laser katana

that is the hyper rainbow laser katana in short terms its called the h.r.l.k

i put it away in the sword holder and went to the ship

me: lets go and kick some ass guys


	6. Chapter 6 THE FINALE

Me: well here we are at the final place deadly galaxy

katie: and after this we can go home

then it seemed that there was a call on the intermission computer

me: hey mario you drive

shrek: donkey theres a call for you

i answer it

me: hey

jugga: hey the worlds been taken over

me: what how

jugga: well i seems there are these evil monsters and they and taking over the world

me: well then

i dropped a bomb that only kills the evil monsters no one else on the world

me: your welcome

we now were at the planet and were ready to kill nossil

me: lets do this

nossil: well if it isnt you guys

me: yeah and were going to kill you

nossil: okay then lets fight

when nossil got out of his throne we ran towards him and he tried to hit us but i did a super jump in the air and punched him in the face and then i did a super ultra falcon punch to him in the face and that killed him

nossil: you fools i will return

the world was back to normal and then we went all the way back home

conker: well were home that was an epic adventure

berri: yep

conker: hmm its getting dark out here lets go back inside and go to sleep it was one long day

THE END

thank you so much for reading this it was going to be super long but i got to fucking lazy so if you liked it then review it and tell me what you liked about it also thanks to private rodent i decided to put jugga in here and if he didnt tell me she would no be here also your welcome private rodent also i will do story suggestions too see you guy and bye


End file.
